i’ve been thinking a lot lately about how different my life feels. not because everything around me has changed, but because the way i move through it has.

one of the biggest shifts has been learning that fear doesn’t have to make my decisions. i still hear the worst-case scenarios. i still think of all the reasons something might not work. the difference is that i’ve stopped treating those thoughts like they’re the truth.

i thought i was just being realistic. looking back, i think i was just trying to protect myself. and while protection can feel like safety, sometimes it’s the very thing keeping us from participating in our own lives.

that’s exactly what i found myself thinking about after i just showed up to ariana grande’s last sold-out show in atlanta without a ticket.

i had never done the whole box office thing before, so i had no idea what to expect. i didn’t know if they’d have tickets left. i didn’t know how much i might have to spend. i didn’t know how long i’d be standing in line. i didn’t know if i’d get all the way to the front just to hear, “sorry, we’re completely sold out.”

there were so many reasons not to go.

i had already seen the show the night before with r.e.m. beauty in a suite (which was extremely fun, by the way!), but this time, i was going by myself. it was hot. the line wrapped around the building. there was no guarantee i’d get in, and even if i did, there was no guarantee i’d end up anywhere close to where i wanted to sit.

my brain had plenty to say about all of that.

“you’re wasting your time.”

“they’re probably sold out.”

“you shouldn’t be spending a lot of money right now.”

“just go home.”

the interesting thing is... none of those thoughts disappeared. i’ve just spent enough time practicing that they don’t get the final say anymore. every time another fearful thought came up, i answered it with the same sentence:

you literally don’t know what’s about to happen.

and i meant it. because i didn’t.

while i was standing in line, i even posted on my close friends story saying i’d seen people get lucky before... and i know i’m a lucky girl, so we’re just gonna see what happens. 😂

i was mostly joking.

or at least i thought i was.

after standing in line for almost two hours, i was finally getting close to the front when two girls walked up asking if anybody wanted a free freaking ticket.

my immediate thought was, this has to be a scam.

like... who is just giving out free tickets to one of the most expensive, sold-out shows of the tour?

but then they explained that they had a mix-up with their reseller, ended up with an extra ticket, and genuinely didn’t want it to go to waste.

as skeptical as i was, i remember checking in with myself for a second. i’ve spent a lot of time learning the difference between anxiety and intuition. they’re not always the same thing. and while i knew there was always a possibility that something could go wrong, i didn’t feel that in my body. i didn’t get that feeling that something was off.

i actually felt really safe.

so i trusted that.

even after i said yes, though, my mind was still trying to protect me.

“watch, it won’t scan.”

“something’s still going to happen.”

“this can’t actually be real.”

but then they scanned the ticket...

and it worked.

we walked through security...

it worked.

we walked all the way down to the 100 section...

it worked.

it was probably the most seamless experience i could’ve imagined.

i walked into that stadium in complete disbelief.

but as incredible as that moment was, it wasn’t actually what stayed with me.

what stayed with me was realizing how uncomfortable i still am with simply receiving. i kept waiting for there to be a catch. i kept looking for the moment everything would fall apart.

instead, i just kept hearing, “enjoy it.”

i had to consciously let myself relax, say thank you, and accept that maybe... just maybe... something good had happened without me having to earn it first.

and i wonder how often we do that.

how often we spend so much time preparing for disappointment that we struggle to recognize when we’re actually safe.

how often we assume there has to be a catch.

how often we protect ourselves from disappointment by expecting less before life even has the chance to surprise us.

i don’t think positive thinking guarantees a certain outcome.

i don’t think saying, “i’m a lucky girl,” magically made someone walk over with an extra ticket. but i do think my beliefs shaped whether i was willing to be there in the first place.

if i had listened to fear, i would’ve stayed home. if i had stayed home, those girls never would’ve found me. the opportunity still would’ve existed. i just wouldn’t have been there to receive it.

and i think that’s the lesson i’m taking with me.

i want to keep becoming someone who participates before she has certainty. someone who leaves room for god to move in ways i never could’ve planned for myself.

because lately, i’ve realized something:

the most beautiful parts of my life haven’t come from controlling every outcome.

they’ve come from showing up with an open hand.

keep up—

here’s where you can stay connected, supported, and inspired wherever you are in your own process: